When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
[David Bissonette]

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
[Sacha Guitry]

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
[Socrates]

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
[Anonymous]

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?
[Dumas]

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
[Sigmund Freud]

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
[Anonymous]

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
[Sam Kinison]

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'
[James Holt McGavra]

Two secrets of husband, to keep your marriage brimming:

1.. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.

2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

[Patrick Murra]

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
[Nash]

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
[Anonymous]

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
[Henny Youngman]

A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.
[Rodney Dangerfield]

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'
[Anonymous]

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'

Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

[Anonymous]