New Years Resolutions You Can Keep

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year
that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you
can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that
you can use as a starting point:

Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Read less. Makes you think.

Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

Spend more time at work.

Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

Get in a whole NEW rut!

Personal goal: Bring back disco.

Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo
system.

Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain
or rope for a belt.

Get further in debt.

Break at least one traffic law.

Associate with even worse business clients.

Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of
them.

Wait around for opportunity.

Focus on the faults of others.

Mope about my faults.

Never make New Year's resolutions again.