Signs That You Might Need A New Lawyer

* During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.

* Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniel's
to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

* He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.

* He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once
said ..."

* Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the
one with the little hammer, right?"

* Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little
quotation marks in the air with his fingers.

* The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law
Since 2:25 PM."

* Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge,
"Whatever."

* He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

* Giggles hysterically at the mere mention of the Penal
Code.

* Constantly raising objections to the "vibes" he's getting
from the jury.

* Every time the judge sustains one of his objections, he
screams, "Yahtzee!"

* Offers to waive his usual fees in exchange for your
panties.

* You met him in prison.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-
five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

* A prison guard is shaving your head.